If you’re a swimmer competing in the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, and your name isn’t Michael Phelps, you might as well be a lard-assed tadpole with no hope, much less chance of doing anything but tasting the agony of defeat.
Phelps made Olympic history last night by winning his tenth career (11th if you count the gold taken by the U.S. men’s relay team) gold medal. He took six in the Athens games in 2004, four this go round and the guy doesn’t seem to show any signs of slowing down.
Admittedly, I don’t know much about Phelps’ personal life and history- just the few things I’ve gleaned from clips of short post-win interviews - which, again, admittedly isn’t much because I’ve been busy flipping from event to event as one is wont to do during the Olympics.
The Technical Age has made information junkies of us all, or at least the folks who were probably hardwired for that sort of thing in the first place. After working in the News Business for the past 10-plus years, I guess I’m no exception. I need information and I need it constantly and fast - which is ultimately where we’re at.
In this foul year of our Lord 2008, speed is the only thing we care about and (with the exception of maybe love, family, whiskey and firearms) really the only thing we need. We need faster Internet connections. We need faster drive times and commutes. We need fast cars, fast boats and fast planes. We need fast fixes and even faster buzzes.
Despite the moral of the Tortoise and the Hare, we’ve all mostly come to accept a simple common truth - Speed is for winning and finishing first. Slow fuckers must eat shit and die. The 2008 Olympics have extended this truth slightly - Anyone who is NOT Michael Phelps is a slow fucker and eats shit; or at least his wake. Indeed. Phelps doesn’t seem to adhere much to any “slow and steady wins the race” school of thought. In fact, once that starting gun fires Fish Boy is outta there like a streak of lightning.
It’s always an amazing thing to see a supreme athlete at the top of their game. It’s not often that we get to see things like this. In my forty years I can only count a few - a fast break by Michael Jordan, impossible aerial receptions by former Steelers wide receiver Lynn Swan and knockouts by former heavyweight champion Muhammad Ali. Tuesday or Wednesday night, when he won his 10th Gold, he didn’t just beat his competition, he annihilated them. He is truly amazing to watch. It is a thing of beauty; just pure grace and adrenalin-pounding speed; totally raw, totally uncut; pure amazing beauty. When he won his tenth, I felt the flesh rise into goose pimples on my arm. And despite the state of the nation, my city and 21st century life in general; for a brief instant; I felt proud to be an American.
Phelps will rank up there with the greatest of the great. We should all consider ourselves lucky to behold this phenomenon.
